Journeys & Writings of Paul

Monday, January 23, 2012


I, being an introvert, have the tendency to ponder. I enjoy getting lost in thought and being introspective. As of late, I have desperately been searching for something to blog about in an effort to keep this thing rolling. I often think that I don't have anything extraordinary to share, and I don't really. Just normal things.

I think that it is reasonable to say that I am "normal", fairly ordinary. I do hesitate to use that word though, because I have trouble classifying people; they don't categorize well (this is a tangent that I will perhaps explore at a later date and time). Plus I think normal has connotations that don't exactly fit me, such as status quo and conforming. I'm too feisty for those words.

I marvel at the ability of others to express their thoughts so eloquently, to perform music, to write, to act, do athletics, etc. Don't get me wrong, I am not getting down on myself. I know that it is okay to appreciate things in others and that everyone can't be great at everything. I strive to be great in my own way, but more and more I feel that I am simply average. That's okay with me.

Allow me to try to express what I mean:

I have been told many times before that I am special, that I am destined for greatness, and perhaps I am. Or perhaps I am just here to live a normal life. To love God, to love others and to serve. For me, these things are sufficient. I love to learn. I hate it when I can't get something, like math. Math and Leanna don't mix. I really like to work hard. Maybe it is the perfectionist in me, but if I'm not giving all of me in what I'm doing, I would rather not even bother. I'm not exceptionally smart, but I put in whatever it takes to understand something to achieve at a high level. I'm not that great at relationships, but I genuinely love people. I am a paradox in so many ways. One of which is that I love people but am an introvert and being around people drains me. I'm rather simple, but also extremely complicated.

Those are some of the inner workings of one of my thought processes. They never come out quite how I'd like them too, but they're in pretty raw form. I am working on being candid and honest. This is a step toward that effort.

I came across this verse in Matthew several months ago think back on it often; it tends to pop into my head a lot. For whatever reason it resonates very strongly with me. It's the tail-end of a verse talking about Jesus and John the Baptist (which also appears in Luke 7:34-35):

For John came neither eating nor drinking, and they say, 'He has a demon.' The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, 'Here is a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners.' But wisdom is proved right by her actions."
- Matthew 11:18-19

1 comment:

  1. I love this post, and I love you - just the way you are. :)

    "Greatness" can be defined in many different ways but mere mortals, but to the LORD, I believe living a 'great' life' involves keeping Micah 6:8 always at the forefront of our mind - no matter what season of life we're in. Sadly, we're conditioned to believe that some people's paths are "better" or more "godly" than others; this is usually just because of the simple fact that they fit the status quo or have vocational ministry in their name. No matter what you do, you ARE "special" or "great" to me because of your heart and desire to serve the Lord. "Normal" life or not, you'll always be great to me. Thanks for opening up!