Journeys & Writings of Paul

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Life isn't fair

My mother always told my brothers and me growing up, "Life isn't fair." 

This is a true statement. Another true statement is that you can indeed bust your head open! It's not a myth that mothers say to scare you! But that is another matter entirely…

Here is an example of the way that life isn't fair: Life catches you in your moments of weakness and ignoring all fighting etiquette, kicks you repeatedly in the stomach while you're down.

But in the midst of feeling this way, this is the Scripture that comes to my mind right away:

"Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the LORD our God."
  Psalm 20:7

Check out what I found on Google. Appropriate, no?

 This song comes to mind also; I first heard while at Goshen College and have come to love because I identify with it so well:
How Can I Keep From Singing by Enya

And that song reminds me of this verse:
"Hear my cry, O God;
listen to my prayer.
From the ends of the earth I call to you,
I call as my heart grows faint;
lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
  Psalm 61:1-2

God has always been faithful to me, and has a pretty great track record for his faithfulness for that matter. I am confident in his faithfulness when I am able to find confidence in nothing else.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Here and now

Every once and a while (especially as of late) I catch myself looking around and saying inwardly, "What I am doing?"

Now I understand that this is in no way a foreign experience for someone my age. But seriously, what am I doing? I am attending college. My two majors are discipline that I love to learn about and involve what I see myself using for the rest of my life. However, I am not concerned with the future. The area that I seem to have the most difficulty trusting with is the here and now.

Let's get strait to the point: I have no clue how to live in the present. I am really quite terrible at it, I have found. I remember that six short years ago, it seemed that trusting God with my  future used to seem so difficult to me. I have come to realize that trusting all the uncertainty of the future to God is really easy in comparison with trying to live out the daily grind of honoring God and serving others.

God, in the midst of this uncertainty, I do trust you.

I often feel like a hamster in a wheel, stuck in a routine, running but not ever getting anywhere. I don't know what has all of the sudden made me weary of my current routine. I think that it is because it is not here that my ultimate satisfaction lies. I feel as though I am living without a direction, without purpose. I feel lonely. It is really hard to admit these things to myself; I don't know what to do with them. I am full of passion, talents, gifts, and willingness to boot! But as far as what to direct these towards, I am at a loss.

These are some of the things churning within me as of late. They are hard to process in my mind, to write in my journal, let alone blog about. And yet, I trust that honesty before my friends, family, and loved ones will help to carry me through.

I am thankful to you, my loving, patient, merciful God who guides and directs me through times that are filled with self-doubt and caprice.